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Authentic Woman: How To Find Your True Self!

The authentic self of too many women goes unprotected as we face the many different challenges in our daily lives as leaders, moms, wives, business owners, etc.

Hello, beautiful ones!  I pray that you’re doing exceedingly well!

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Authenticity is an essential quality of life because it is the only route to being yourself and being true to self.  I am much better about protecting my authenticity as I’ve gotten older, and it is one of the most significant & best thing I have done for myself.  I’m happier, lighter, and free to experience my life in the manner that meets my needs without worrying about other’s opinions or expectations.  It was exhausting putting on different faces every day and trying to live up to everyone’s else’s definition of who I should be or could be.  I didn’t know the ‘real’ Tracey for quite some time, at least 40 years; but God!  I finally summoned up the nerve to look at every aspect of my life to figure out how to save myself from more heartache and disappointment.  It wasn’t easy, and it was scary as heck, but God saw me through it from start to finish.   At some point in life, we’ve all felt confused, lost ourselves, and lost contact with me, myself & I.   If these are the feelings you are experiencing, or know someone who is, in this moment of your life, please keep reading; this post is for you!

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Today we hear women speaking of being authentic to themselves quite a bit. But what exactly do they mean?  Shakespeare defined authenticity best when he said, “To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man”.  So that there are no misunderstandings, let me break it down to you.  As an authentic woman it means that every action, thought, choice, decision, feeling, or emotion you have, share, or give is rooted so deeply in your truth, your values, your ethics, your morals, & your beliefs that you’re unmovable.  It is about not giving in or giving up and being willing to sacrifice anything and everything if something or someone violates it in any shape, fashion, or form regardless of the who, what, where, & why.  I did it to save myself; you can learn more about it in this video.

The road to being an authentic woman is one we have to travel alone because what is authentic to you is not for the next person.  We are all shaped by different experiences, paths, & upbringings and a range of social, economic, religious and political beliefs.  However, it does not mean we alienate our family & friends from the process when you begin your journey.  It means that we become more aware of their influence and importance in our life so that we learn how to live amongst and with them authentically.

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Below are seven (7) key areas that helped me be & own my true self and be true to myself.  I encourage you to actively and aggressively address these areas as you embrace becoming an authentic woman:

  • Recognize the authenticity in your life.  Authenticity encompasses a lot of things; it’s not only about being your true self. Think about the moments in your life that left a lasting impression, that give you joy and happiness and you’ll find a degree of realness and authenticity in them.   These could be moments shared with friends and family, a great job, a heartfelt compliment, an unforgettable date night.  Define authenticity based on what you know to be true and hold on to it.

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  • Peel the layers back in your life to reveal who you are versus who you think you are.  Uncovering the real you is one of the hardest steps to becoming an authentic woman because you can’t run away from the good, the bad & the ugly to move forward.  During this process, you must ask yourself open-ended questions to uncover previously unseen details, actions, thought patterns, feelings & emotions to recognize hard truths about yourself.   It will hurt like heck, but it will free you from past hurt, pain & disappointments while growing your self-awareness and help you determine your reality rather than others.  You will begin to appreciate & love your uniqueness, recognize your values, and start being and doing you as your embark on a newly found intimate relationship with self.

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  • Don’t let fear, aka False Evidence Appearing Real, stop you.  Fear is a great motivator that will give you the courage to take the first step to move forward or make you stand still & stay stuck.  Yes, there may be people who will judge you, criticize you, & even reject you when you embark on this journey, but you have to remember that you have all the tools needed to succeed if you put in the work and believe in yourself.  Fear will stop you from becoming your authentic self, make you cheat yourself, and steal your joy.  Remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH, but to get to your power source you have to be vulnerable to and with yourself.  Face the fear head on!
  • Surround yourself with your people who uplift, challenge, love, hold you accountable, & support you.  This journey is not easy.  In fact, you will want to give up often.  It requires a baring of your soul that you’ve never seen or experienced.  Hence, you need to be in an environment that gives you the freedom to open up and be your true self while knowing they will not let you give up on yourself and this journey.  Your inner circle must be willing & able to tell you the truth whether you want to hear it or not.  They must love you enough to say & do the things that may hurt your feelings to make sure you learn the lesson, survive & thrive.

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  • Learn and explore what you want & desire versus what others have told you that you want & desire.  The self-discovery trip will open your eyes to areas in your life and things you are doing that you don’t enjoy.  It will also reveal things that you want to try yet have not had the courage to do.  Let your guard down and dabble in things that pique your interest.  You can never know what you like or dislike until you give it a try.  I remember my niece telling me she didn’t like broccoli when she was about five (5) years old.  I asked her why she didn’t like it and she could only tell me because her mother didn’t like it.  I encouraged her to try the broccoli, and it is now one of her favorite veggies.  Do not settle for the what society and or others say is right for you.  Do not succumb to choosing & following the preferences of your companions.   Remember that everything you do should give you joy, peace, comfort, happiness in some capacity.  Create your path to follow, do the things that you love & enjoy, and make no apologies for them.  In other words, own who you are so that you make responsible choices & decisions that honor your authentic self.

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  • Listen to your inner voice.  Be aware of how often you think or say the words “ought” and “should” and replace them with “want’ so that you can work towards that end.    Second, think about how what you’re thinking, feeling & considering doing stirs your spirit.  If it conflicts with your personality, core values, beliefs, & morals, your inner voice will let you know in a still small voice.  Third, always ask yourself, “Says who”? Who makes the rules? Are they wiser than your authentic self?  Of course not!

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  • Accept all of you not just bits & pieces.  Women tend to be extremely hard on themselves because society’s expectations of us are hard to bear.  It does not allow us to be comfortable in our skin and so we beat ourselves up one side and down the other.  As an imperfect human, you will make many, many mistakes, but in the midst of those mistakes, claim that you are the most beautiful, imperfect yet perfect you.  Forgive yourself and remember that each time you make a mistake or miss the bullseye, it is a moment to learn from and something positive to glean from the experience that you can grow from and appreciate.

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Every day, 24/7, you must strive to be your authentic self and live a life of authenticity in every way.  It’s not easy – trust me, I know – but it is so worth the discipline, commitment, intentional focus, and self-love that you’ll invest in yourself.  Each day you live, talk, walk and lovingly own your truth as an authentic woman will bring you more joy & happiness than your heart & hands can hold & closer to living the life you want & deserve.  Pinky finger promise!!!

Have you started your journey to authenticity?  What tips would you add to this list?  What tips resonated with your spirit?  Can’t wait to read your comments below!  

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As always, keep it Chic.Classy.Spicy.





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