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Value Yourself & Others Will Too!

Sister-Friend, value, respect, love, and security should be a no brainer in all relationships, in my opinion. However, there are a lot of hurting women walking around wounded because they feel unvalued & mistreated by their husband, significant other, family, and or friends, and can’t understand why or how they could treat them in this manner.

Hello, beautiful ones!  I pray that you’re doing exceedingly well!

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Last week I posted here that the week had been extremely rough for me. My boyfriend and I had some heated fellowship that left us both in pain, mad, and in need of alone time. Yes, I spoke my truth, but at the end of the day, I had to check myself to make sure I was living my truth as well. After a few days of soul searching, studying the relationship, speaking with my counselors (aka besties), crying and asking God for His guidance, I realized that I had been living a lie and expecting my boyfriend to treat me differently.

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SHOP MY LOOK

Forever 21 – Distressed White Jeans w Frayed Hem (Similar) or Bloomingdales – Crop Jean w Raw Hem (Similar)Storets – Rachel Unbalance Shirt) | Straw Circle Purse | TopShop – Leopard Print Heels) | Oakley – Unstoppable Women’s Polarized Shades | Ann Taylor – Leopard Print Haircalf Belt

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Nothing that happens in our life just happens. It happens because we allow it. Period. Point. Blank. My boyfriend only did or did not do what I allowed him to do no matter the reason why. Yes, he was wrong too, but I was more wrong because I didn’t stay true to me, my truth, my standards. However, the moment our toes get stepped on, our heart crushed, or our ego bruised, we get in our feelings and start blaming others when in fact the only person to blame is self. In all honesty, if we valued ourselves more, stayed true to our standards, and stuck to our guns, a good deal of the pain we endure would not happen in the first place.

Beautiful ones, to teach others how to treat us we have to not only know our value but OWN and LIVE our value. It’s called self-esteem. Self-esteem is the way in which we perceive ourselves, but unfortunately, we live in a world where many outsides influences and standards can shape the way that we see self. Regardless, it is our responsibility to believe in, value, respect, love, and protect ourselves even if no one else does. We can’t live a happy life without loving ourselves, knowing our worth, recognizing and owning our strength. Every time we slip and accept crumbs we teach others it is acceptable to give us mediocre and less than their best.

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My questions to you are: is it time to reset your value meter and up the ante? Are you still blaming others for your pain? Are you ready to be treated how you want and deserve? If you answered “yes’, I’m right there with you.  To appreciate yourself, receive what you deserve, and teach others how to treat & value you, keep in mind these three (3) important things: patterns, consistency, and expectations:

Patterns. We may not notice it, but every time we connect with our boo, family, friends, co-workers, everyone, directly or indirectly, we give them the blueprint on what is the acceptable treatment of us. Do you allow others to put you down verbally? Do you allow people to show up late for dates, appointments, etc. and show no regard for your time? Do you allow your man or significant other to treat you like a lady sometimes and other times not so much? Do you allow your co-workers to claim your work as theirs? Every time we don’t speak up for ourselves and let something slide we are telling the world and ourselves that we deserve it. STOP IT! USE YOUR VOICE! SET YOUR STANDARDS and LIVE BY THEM. Going forward, never allow anyone, and I mean no one, to minimize or devalue your beliefs, your spirit or your soul.  If they love you, they will check themselves, do better, remain by your side no matter what, and they’ll respect you even more for standing up for yourself and your beliefs.

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Consistency. After we set a pattern, we show others that the treatment is acceptable by consistently allowing the pattern to continue. In other words, we actively enable others to disrespect, abuse, mistreat, devalue, and hurts us mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, or professionally. It is time to learn how to say NO! It is time to put the brakes on and make a U-turn. It is time to make an 180 degree turn real quick, fast, and in a hurry. The moment you say no and stop the person you gain the confidence and power to do it again and again until they stop or you remove yourself. Remember, you and you alone, are the only one that must fight for the things that you believe, want, need & deserve.

Expectations. Finally, we show them what to expect from us when they commit the action again because we have a set pattern that is consistently accepted. We can’t expect them to treat us differently if we continue to take what they’ve always given us. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? In this case, it is the definition of low self-esteem.

If we want the hurt & mistreatment to stop, we’ve got to take responsibility for it happening and put in the work to stop it from continuing. We’ve got to make new choices, make changes, and take chances to orchestrate a new outcome. The moment we start to love ourselves more and realize how valuable we are is the moment we make the decision to tear down the old patterns and create new, positive, self-loving ones. It is the moment we throw a monkey wrench in their expectations when we say no and demand what’s rightfully ours: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

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Sisterfriends, you and I have some work to do. This cycle of getting in our feelings when we are to blame for how we taught someone how to treat us has to end now. It can only be broken by learning to value ourselves, honoring our beliefs, wants, needs & desires, and loving every part of who we are, inside & out, flaws & all. Sometimes we fail to remember that the ugliest things that occur have a positive lesson if we’re willing to open our minds and hearts to receive it.

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I will be setting new patterns. I will be consistent with them. I will set the desired expectations that I want. I am capable. I have the strength to make it happen. I believe in me. I will no longer settle for less than what I deserve. I will raise my voice and show them how they will treat me. I will get what I want – trust and believe.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU DOWN FOR THIS?  Can’t wait to read your comments below!  

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As always, keep it Chic.Classy.Spicy.

 

 

 

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  • Hannah Palamara

    I love this post! Knowing and owning your value is SO important.

    • Yes it is! Sadly, there are so many women who are afraid to do the work to know self to learn how to value themselves.

  • Love this post and your outfit is just Fabulous. I will be back to read more. . .
    http://www.madamtoomuch.com

    • Thank you doll! Please do visit often as I plan to visit your blog as well :)

  • 1) You’re ROCKING that outfit! I love it!

    2) This is such a great post! It’s so true… you need to value yourself. You can’t guarantee that others will if you don’t.

    • Thank you so much! Exactly. We can’t demand that others value us when we don’t.

  • Amanda K

    One of my favorite outfits of yours! I love this top and the leopard belt paired with it!

    xx,
    Amanda || http://www.fortheloveofglitter.com

    • You’re too kind! Thanks so much :) I had a blast planning this outfit.

  • Lauren

    Love those jeans and and the pop of leopard!

    Lauren
    laurenevangelinesheriff@Gmail.com

  • Was not expecting this heart felt message and a #OOTD. Your so right people only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

    • I’m so glad you got more than you expected. It’s my goal to share my heart with my readers and your comment made my day!

  • such a beautiful post

  • Taylor Mobley

    This is gorgeous in every way!! I love your unique style both in words and fashion 💗

  • Amy Pawlukiewicz

    Great message. And I love that top!

  • your top is fabulous and i totally agree with your blog title!
    http://www.layersofchic.com

    • Thank you. Grab you one before they’re gone. Link is in the post :)

      So glad the blog title resonated with you!

  • Haute Grey Fox

    I agree with your message, it’s one that we must repeatedly reinforced. Keep the great content coming!
    Stephanie
    AKA – Hautegreyfox!

    • Hey doll! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your wisdom. Yes, it is something we have to work on and do daily, many times!

  • Love this post and the message behind it. We absolutely have to value ourselves in order for others to do so. The images are beautiful as well.

    • Thank you so much! There are so many people who think that respect and proper treatment should not be taught to others. I totally disagree because people will treat you the way they want and or how they’ve treated others. Hence, we have to teach them how to treat & respect us based on what we need & want.

      • Kimberly Albritton

        I agree!

  • Tisha Miltiades

    This post is golden and this outfit is fire- killing it!!! I have been a firm believer in showing people how to treat me for a while and it’s interesting how people will react to it- but ultimately it has saved me a lot of stress and I wouldn’t change a thing. Great advice- all the best to you! x

    • Amen beautiful! People will look at you strange when you say ‘no’, but once they realize you mean business they either remove themselves, fall in line, or try you again to see if they can get you on an off day. Consistency is key in setting their expectations. And, thank you so much for the compliment on the outfit. It was so much fun to wear :)

  • Jauwan Stinson

    I love your message and I love your sense of style! We often get treated how we treat ourselves.

    • You are so right! People only do what we allow and how we feel about self based on how we treat ourselves.

  • Julie Torres

    Totally agree with this statement. You should always value yourself.

  • You are so full of wisdom. Great advice!!! And don’t even get me started on your outfit. It is FABULOUS!

    ❥ tanvii.com

  • Tiffany Twisted

    You look beautiful! And you are spot on with advice–but unfortunately, too many people are lazy and allow life to happen to them instead of going out and creating a life for themselves, even I’m guilty of that sometimes :(

    • The sad part is a lot of people have not been taught to love & value self. Also, people learn what they live so if they never saw self-respect, self-love or self-esteem in action as a child they probably won’t know what it looks like nor know how to go about getting them.

  • Lynn White

    Your outfit is soo cute! I’m going to have to get that shirt. Yes you are right about teaching others how to treat us. I always say silence is acceptance!

    • Did you get the top? Hope it didn’t sell out before you were able to get yours.

      Thanks for being a supporter and always sharing your thoughts and wisdom. Girl, you are so on point with silence equals acceptance.

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