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Dating Myself & Loving It: You Can Too!

Dating myself was something I did occasionally and without intention.  I’d take myself out to dinner at my favorite restaurant because my husband didn’t like seafood.  Or, I’d grab a cup of coffee at the nearest Barnes & Noble, or even go to the movies alone.  At the time, I thought I was ‘doing me’.  I wasn’t even scraping the surface of what it means to ‘do me’.

Hello, beautiful ones!  I pray that you’re doing exceedingly well!

 

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Yep, I’m a firm believer in dating myself.  I mean, who else is more amazing, smart, funny, than me?  Who else loves me unconditionally and won’t kick me out for snorting when I laugh or slob on the pillowcase when I sleep?  TMI?  Sorry, not sorry! On a serious note, if I’m not willing to date myself how can I teach someone else how to date me if I don’t have a clue about what I like, who I am, where I’m going, how I plan to get there, and so on.  Isn’t that what dating someone is supposed to tell them about you and vice versa?

 

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After moving to Virginia in 2011, alone & with no family within a 500-mile radius, I quickly learned how important it was for me to get a handle on my life and finally, yes finally, peel back the layers of my life to get to know the real Tracey.  Sistas, my journey to self-discovery began in earnest almost immediately because I had never lived alone.  I went from living with my parents to living on my own with my daughter, before I married her father a few months before her 2nd birthday, and then living with my husband.  Even after that marriage ended and I married a 2nd time, my kids and new husband were still in the home with me.  So yes, this was my first time living completely alone with me, myself and I. It was scary, to say the least, but it was also incredibly invigorating.  It was in those quiet moments in my apartment that I realized I was clueless as to who I was, let alone what I wanted in life.  It floored me because I thought I had my stuff together, and everyone else did as well.  Heck, I was the one doling out advice and helping other people get their ish together.  If only they knew, if only they knew!

Sitting in my place, I realized that I had put everyone else’s happiness ahead of my own.  I realized that I had put all of my energy into being someone’s wife & mother and had totally forgotten that I needed to be poured into as well by myself, for my own growth and self-care.  I realized that despite the professional success that I had attained I was still looking for myself.  I recognized that there were holes in my heart, mind, spirit, and soul that required extensive treatment and, quite possibly, rehabilitative care.  The funny thing is, as I look at my life, I recognized all of these things in 2009 during my 1st solo vacation but thought that change was only needed in my marriage, specifically my then husband.

 

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Coming to grips with my new life and the work that I had to do to finally live the life I dreamed of wasn’t easy.  However, I knew it was the only way for me to understand and experience what it meant to live joyfully and in the moment in spite of life’s ups & downs.  So, I started planning activities for myself.  In the beginning,  I did ‘safe’ things like going to local events where I could easily blend in.  I wasn’t afraid to be alone or that people would know I was alone.  I was afraid of what I would uncover.  I was scared of the quiet.  I was petrified of the unknown.  Hence, I found places to go that didn’t require me to think, be quiet, or be still.  Once I realized that I was sabotaging myself and recognized that dating myself could no longer be an afterthought, but an event to do with intention and purpose, I received aha moments that uncorked volumes & volumes of tears, anger, pain, laughter, clarity, revelations, and happiness.  I remembered what made my heart happy, what brought me pain, what was important to me, what had to change, what direction to go, where I made mistakes, where I wronged others, how I didn’t love myself, and the steps I had to take to live my best life.

Even though I’ve mastered dating myself and am now in a relationship, I still make time to be present with myself alone.  In fact, I believe that it is imperative that we should continue dating ourselves long after we’re in a romantic relationship, have a dope squad, and even after marriage.  Why? Because no matter who is in our life we are continuously changing and growing which means it will be harder to remain authentic to self.  At times, even though we would think not, our self-esteem and self-worth are eroded because we get wrapped up in taking care of everyone else and put ourselves on the backburner.

 

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Spending quality, intentional time with myself gave me peace, but it also convicted me, humbled me, uplifted me, and aligned me with my purpose.  Dating myself with intention released me to be me fearlessly, authentically, and unapologetically;  I want the same for you.  I am not going to sugarcoat it or coddle you:  dating yourself isn’t fun in the beginning, but the payoff is worth the anxiety and more!  Here’s what I did each time I took myself on a date:

  •  I wore a gorgeous outfit that made me want to date myself!  I felt that if I was willing to put the work in to make someone else’s eyes happy when they looked at me I sure as heck wanted my own eyes to be happy too.  No skimping on yourself.  You deserve as much, no more than, attention to detail as you would give a man that you are dating or even your spouse.  There’s only one you and you need to love on you during your solo date.

 

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  • I invested in quality events that I truly wanted to attend.  I deserve the best and if I expected someone else to give me the best I needed to do the same.  I can’t teach someone else to do this if I’m not willing to or capable of doing it for myself.

 

  • I stayed true to me and did not cancel on myself.  It’s easy to back out of a date with yourself because you think no one can be hurt; this is so not true. We often tell this lie to ourselves, sadly. The moment you ditch your solo date to stay home or do something with someone else you subconsciously tell yourself that you’re not worth it.  You subconsciously tell yourself that the work it requires is too hard and it doesn’t matter because nothing will change.  You’re right.  Nothing will change until you put the work in to bring about change.  Remember, YOU ARE WORTH IT AND OWE IT TO YOURSELF!

 

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  • I actively dated and loved on myself.  I bought myself flowers, hugged myself, complimented myself, and even kissed myself.  All of these things helped me to realize how unique, special, and beautiful I am inside and out.  They also helped me to understand my love languages and why they were not ‘wants,’ but bonafide needs.

 

  • I journaled about my date.  There was something new that I learned on each date and I didn’t want to forget any of it.  I wanted to capture the moment, the essence of it, how I felt, my thoughts, and more.  I can now look back at those entries and see how far I’ve come so that I have the ammunition to stay the course.  Believe it or not, my entries made me feel invincible each time I read them.  They also gave me the courage to continue to dig for answers that held me hostage to the past.

 

  • I protected my time alone and did not allow interruptions from others.  It’s tempting to chat it up with someone else who is alone or someone who tries to make conversation with you while out, especially at dinner.  I politely told people that I was enjoying my ‘me’ time and stay focused on my goal.  They got it and left me alone.  For those that I would have liked to talk with in the future, I asked them for their contact information.  Honestly, there weren’t many times this happened, but it does.

 

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Sisterfriends, I hope my story inspires and motivates you to date yourself intentionally and often.  I promise you that if you incorporate my tips you will enjoy dating yourself immensely.

When was the last time you went on a planned, intentional solo date?  How has dating yourself changed your life for the better?  Can’t wait to read your comments below!

Oh, don’t forget to follow me on my other social media platforms…links are located on the top left of the blog.  Or follow me now on Instagram & Facebook !!

As always, keep it Chic.Classy.Spicy.

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  • I enjoyed reading this post. It’s very important for us women to spend time on ourselves and do things for ourselves.
    And by the way, you look stunning in that dress :)
    I had to go look for it on ASOS. ;)

    • Tracey Crockett

      I so agree. Did you click the link? Hope you found your size!

      Thank you for the compliment!

  • Pretty dress! I love the idea of dating yourself. Whether your married or not, it’s important to spend time on you.

    • Tracey Crockett

      Thank you doll! YASSS…trust me, men are attracted to women who are comfortable in their own space & skin. Dating yourself in a relationship keeps it exciting because he doesn’t have to do all the work!

  • Ra’Nesha Wilson

    I love your post, but I’m glad that after years of singlehood I met someone that loves me beyond measure. Being single is great, but being in love with the right person is so much better.

    • Tracey Crockett

      Me too doll! I love my man and what he brings to my life. The wonderful thing about dating myself even in a relationship is that I don’t rely on him to make me happy. Dating myself before we started dating helped me to see so many important things that I didn’t do right in my past relationships. I’m a better partner now as well as a better person. So glad you’re happy too!

  • Heartunderconstruction.com

    I love everything about this post. I’ve managed to do all but movies by myself. self appreciation is the first way to show someone how you wished to be loved. Love it x

    • Tracey Crockett

      Amen…I love the part about self-appreciation. We need to tell ourselves often how much we appreciate who we are, where we’ve been, what we’ve survived, where we’re heading.

  • Taylor Smith

    YOU GO GIRL! When I was in college and before meeting my husband, I dated myself ALLL THE TIME. I was my own best friend. Now I still make time to date myself even though I’m married.

    • Tracey Crockett

      You too my sister! What does your hubby say when you take yourself out on a date? My boyfriend thinks it’s cute and hot at the same time. I am so happy to know your hubby supports you in this because some men really don’t get it.

  • Honey I am currently dating myself with pride. Dont get me wrong I wish I wasnt single at time but I am a Goddess and my king will find me. I am no longer settling or going on food dates because i am bored thats low vibrational dating.

    • Tracey Crockett

      Girl, you said it with the low vibrational dating! We need to collaborate and write a post on this subject because so many women are taking food dates just to not be alone instead of learning that being alone is a great time to learn & explore self in so many ways.

  • I love this post. This is something that all single women need to learn how to do. I, like you, got to a point where I realized that I had focused on my son and 14 years later, I’m like…what about me? I had to start doing me and dating myself. I’m having a great time!

    • Tracey Crockett

      Girl, that happened to me and I was so lost. I had no clue what I liked any more. I’m so glad you’re enjoying you again and having the time of your life!

  • Shantel Turner-Collins

    Excellent tips! This is definitely something I need to get back into. I did it a lot after my divorce 14 years ago. Can’t really say I’ve done it enough in the past 5 or so years or even in between dating .

    • Tracey Crockett

      Thanks so much! Sometimes we get busy with just living that we forget. I hope you’ll make some special me time to focus on just being in your own presence soon. Don’t forget to come back and tell us how it goes so we can support you!

  • Great tips. I really need to dating myself and focus more on what makes me happy.

    • Tracey Crockett

      Thank you doll! Yes, get out there and love on yourself more. Again, take baby steps and ease into it so that you don’t overwhelm yourself. Even if you only do it once a week or every 2 weeks you will see the benefit. Come back and share with us so we can support you!

  • Ashvaughn

    Honey this fit and these pictures, I’m loving it! Self-care is soooo important and dating yourself is definitely apart of that. Sometimes we forget all about us whenever all of life gets in the way.. so glad you had this experience and enjoyed yourself!

    • Tracey Crockett

      I can’t believe how this dress fit my body. It’s not often that I don’t have to take an item to the tailor, but this one didn’t get to see him lol! I’m so glad this post spoke to you.

  • I need to spend more time dating myself. I have a better understanding of myself but I’m not where I want to be with that. I’ve never been to the movies alone, I’m going to make that happen.

    • Tracey Crockett

      You go sister! You and your hubby will benefit from it, and you’ll teach your daughter a valuable lesson in self-love and self-care. Hope you’ll stop by and tell me how the solo movie date goes!

  • Carissa

    Great Tips!!! And this is something we all should do throughout life even if youre in a relationship! Take time to spoil yourself

    • Tracey Crockett

      Exactly! Don’t ever stop dating yourself…it’s so very important to our personal growth.

  • I recently came back from a three-week solo trip abroad so that was pretty much a giant date with myself. I often take myself out and thoroughly enjoy it. You really do gain a great sense of self.

    • Tracey Crockett

      WOW! That is so awesome. Where did you go? What did you learn that stood out the most to you about yourself from your trip?

  • Amy Pawlukiewicz

    1) Your dress is amazing; 2) This post is amazing. Before I married my husband, we broke up for 2 years, and during that time I lived alone for the first time in my life. It was terrifying, being alone with myself that much, and even more so when I wasn’t distracted by TV, events, etc. But it’s important to know yourself before you can be a good partner. Excellent read!

    • Tracey Crockett

      Thank you so much! I couldn’t believe how this dress fit perfectly like a glove.

      And you are so right that being a good partner requires one to know self, and living alone is not for the faint of heart. I wouldn’t change my experience for the world because it grew me in so many ways.

      It’s awesome to know that you and your hubby made it despite breaking up for 2 years. Truly beautiful :)

  • Court S

    “…how can I teach someone else how to date me if I don’t have a clue about what I like, who I am, where I’m going, how I plan to get there, and so on.” This really stuck out to me. I am in a romantic relationship, but now that I have graduated from school and am starting a new chapter in my life, I think I need to take more time to take myself on dates. Also, do you have any posts on your experience moving on your own?

    • Tracey Crockett

      I’m so glad that portions of the post resonated with you. It means so much to know that my testimony is a blessing to someone else.

      And yes, please do begin to take some self time out for yourself as you’re dating your boo…it’ll not only give you clarity but also give you all more excitement when you come together. Sometimes, I even share my thoughts with my boyfriend and vice versa when we take our ‘me’ time. It has helped our relationship in so many ways. I can’t wait to hear more about how it turns out for you all.

      No, I do not have any posts on living alone and moving 10 hours away from my family. But, I will soon :)

      • Court S

        I have since sent your post to him lol, he agrees. We had a really great discussion about boundaries and what those mean moving forward for us, especially as circumstances change

        • Tracey Crockett

          Court, this is so awesome! I’m so proud of the both of you. It takes maturity to get this concept for so many. I’ll be expecting that wedding invite soon :)

          • Court S

            :)

  • I love this post! This was something that I did naturally when I was in college and even up to maybe a year ago. Now I’m a new mamma and I am in a relationship and I haven’t taken myself on a date. Now I do take care of myself workout and all the normal self-care things. But taking yourself on a date is so much different and is very needed

    https://www.autumlove.com

    • Tracey Crockett

      Congratulations beautiful! Yes, you definitely need to date yourself now as a new mom and in a new relationship. It’s too easy to lose self during these beautiful events in life.

  • I couldn’t agree more. In college I took myself on dates all the time. I recently took myself on a lunch date in back yard just to enjoy the weather.

    Great post.

  • Jessica

    Love this topic. Is something diferent. And your outfit is to die for.

  • Tiffany Bivins

    I love this! So many great nuggets of wisdom here! I am currently dating myself for the first time and it has been an amazing experience. Great read!

  • I love this post. I think it is so important to make sure to take care of yourself first. I love spending time with myself and I try to do as much of it as I can. As a teacher, a girlfriend, a sister, a daughter, a best friend, etc., I feel like I am always giving so I need me-time :D

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